作者：Dumas, Aline 年份：1979
Man needs others to become himself, and God is present in man's making of man. (1)This essay is a result of many years of reflection on the experience of presence, both in friendship and in community life. The key question it seeks to answer is: How can presence, in the interpersonal relationship, lead to a fuller, richer life and thus be an effective sign of the love of God? (2) For it appears that as growth occurs through a satisfying relationship between two persons, there is more in this interaction than just the presence of these two human beings: there is a force which draws them, from within and from beyond, to a richer, fuller life, which transcends the limitations of these two persons. (3) What is this dynamic force? It is believed, by men of faith, to be a God of love.
＊Extract from a research paper presented by the author to the Faculty of Graduate Studies of the University of Ottawa in 1974.
Presence and Growth
In this paper, we will use the word presence in both the material and personalistic sense, as: being with someone or something; being open to, and sharing one's being, with others. When we speak of growth, we will refer to constructive personality change, that is, a change in one's habitual way of perceiving the world, in a direction which leads to a fuller awareness of reality, and also a change in behaviour, in a direction which leads to greater integration and more effective living.
Starting with the hypothesis that we need the presence of others in order to grow, we will see in brief what some contemporary psychologists and humanists have to say on the subject. Then, we will look at some theological aspects of presence, keeping in mind that this does not exclude the psychological aspects but rather incorporates them, adding a new dimension, that of faith.
Man Needs Others in Order to Grow
Contemporary psychology has been saying in every way that man needs others to become himself. Child psychologists have told the world again and again that a child needs to be loved by his parents before he can begin to give love. (4)
Freud stressed the fact that the first five years were the most important in the life of a person, and that the development and dissolution of the Oedipus Complex at this stage would largely condition a person's social relationships through-out his life, especially his attitude toward people in authority and toward the opposite sex. (5)
Erikson, in his theory on the eight stages of growth, claimed that if a child did not receive sufficient love and care at each stage, or if he was not guided in the right way, his growth would be arrested, and this would affect each subsequent step of his development. For example, if a child has not learned basic trust during the first year of his life, he will see the world as more hostile than benign for the rest of his life. (6)
In Carl Rogers' famous client-centered therapy, the focus is on the individual, not only as he is now, but as he can become. Rogers says that presence will be life-giving if the therapist is congruent, that is, truly aware of what he is experiencing, and if he communicates unconditional acceptance and empathy to his client. What will happen in such a therapeutic relationship? The person will get in touch with what is best within him, and he will move on in a good direction. He will become more fully himself, more congruent and "self-actualizing", as Has low puts it. (7)
Sidney Jourard feels that in order for growth to take place, both parties must be open to each other. This openness comes about through disclosure, yet this disclosure has to be mutual, not one-sided. It is the therapist who should initiate the process of disclosure since he is supposed to be more congruent than the client in the relationship. If presence is genuine and personal, if there is care and concern for the other person, then presence will become an invitation-to-live. Furthermore, this invitation may be extended not only by therapists, but by anyone who is concerned about another person, whether it be a parent, friend, spouse or teacher. Jourard states: "Any teacher who liberates, expands, activates a person's consciousness creates a condition for a richer life of longer duration." (8) This will happen when the person who is concerned about another communicates his concern, and when the other, in turn, accepts the invitation.
Man Needs Others to Become Himself
Gregory Baum supports the hypothesis that "man is in need of others to become himself. (9) He claims that it is through dialogue that man comes to be what he is. This is easy to see in the possession of language, which is given to us by our family and our community. It is through language, that is, non-verbal as well as verbal language, that we are summoned to consciousness. Unless there is a mother, actual or surrogate, a baby could never develop a conscious life. Consciousness comes about through dialogue, being spoken to and responding. Man learns from others, not only on the level of information, but also on the deeper levels of self-knowledge and of values. It is by listening to what others have to say, both by their words and by their attitudes, that we can learn about the world and about ourselves. (10)
Dialogue suggests more than merely hearing what is conveyed by word or attitude, it implies an answer, a personal answer which one learns to make freely, and which renders him responsible for himself. Yet this dialogue is not an easy process; man's freedom enables him to resist the word that is addressed to him. One reason why man resists is that he may feel challenged by the word which is spoken to him, challenged to change and grow, to let go of his self-image and enter into the world of another. Dialogue, in this sense, may lead to a conversion. This process of conversion is repeated over and over again in a person's life. For example, a child, at first, looks to his mother simply for security and love, but gradually he comes to recognize her as another person with her own wants and needs; one who is able to resist his self-centered demands. At that moment, his little world is shattered and he becomes more open to reality. This openness, this new perception, means personality growth. (11)
But what is involved in this experience of becoming more fully human? What really causes further growth in a person? Many humanists and psychologists explain that it is genuine presence in an interaction that can effect this kind of change in perception and in behaviour. Now we will let a few theologians speak on presence in interpersonal relationships as a life-giving sign of the love of God.
God Within the Life of Man
Current trends in the New Theology indicate less concern with the God 'out here', perhaps because too much stress was placed on transcendence in the past. Now, more interest is being shown in finding God within the world and within the life of man. This does not mean that the Transcendent God is dead, but that the immanent God is closer to the ideals and the needs of modern man, whose life is influenced by existential philosophy and Humanistic psychology. Humanists today see man as becoming, as a process, as "a being whose being is always in question". (12) Contemporary theologians have often been accused of being humanists, and some of them see this not as an accusation but as a fact. If being a humanist means having a man-centered understanding of religion, not only do they agree with this view, but they find ground for it in the fact of the Incarnation. According to Gregory Baum:
The divine incarnation in Jesus Christ reveals to us that God's encounter with men always humanizes them and that God's grace comes to men not only in moments of piety but more especially in their relationship to the community, the Church. It is revealed to us in Jesus that the human is the locus of the divine. God's self-revelation effects the growth and reconciliation of man. (13)
In order to understand this growth-promoting presence of God in community, it may be useful to consider the effects on human beings of personal presence.
Human Presence
Piet Schoonenberg insists very strongly on the distinction between physical presence and personal presence: "The word presence means for us the relationship of something or someone to something or someone else." (14) This kind of presence is characterized not only by a 'being with' which could refer simply to physical presence, but also by influence, help, and finally an enrichment of the one in whose presence one is. Presence, therefore, is something active. 'Communication' refers to a mutual give-and-take. One party may be active and the other passive, but ultimately there is an action and a reaction taking place by the simple fact of the mutual presence of two human beings who are aware of each other in some way. Communication implies not only a giving of something, but the self-communication of the person himself, that is, "of those living insights which have formed his inviolable spirit, and especially of those attitudes to life whereby he has built up his deepest being." (15) Communication here means not simply giving information about these insights and attitudes, but sharing these in a way which leads to an inner intuition in the understanding, followed by a connection in the will. Schoonenberg believes that intuition is the summit of our capacity for knowledge, and that the deepest working of our will consists, not in changing things outside ourselves, but in determining our own attitude toward reality: God, the world and ourselves. If someone can communicate with another in these deepest activities, he will truly be present to the other, and will live on in his heart and mind. Needless to say, this quality of human presence is not easy to attain, and is also limited by the reality of human beings' limitations. Furthermore, even when two persons have experienced deep communication, much depends on both parties' capacity to remain true to each other and on their willingness to grow in this relationship. There is even a further risk involved: that the two parties may grow away from each other as they reveal their changing perceptions.
Freedom and openness are important elements of a successful interpersonal relationship. People are free to open themselves up to one another, to disclose, or not to disclose, what is deepest within them. They are also free to receive, or not to receive, the other's self-revelation in faith. Even when two persons are together, one, or both, can still refuse to be personally present. But when the choice to be open is made by the two parties both to accept and to integrate the giving and receiving of mutual self-disclosure, the actions of the two persons become symbols of their growing relationship in which neither has to give up his own personality, but in which, instead, if the communication is genuine, both will become themselves.
In our society today, when interpersonal relationships are becoming more impersonal, people tend to draw together in crowds to overcome their feeling of loneliness. Mere physical presence cannot overcome separation, it must be penetrated with personal presence or with one of its symbols. For example, an embrace or a kiss is a sign of love. It promotes union only inasmuch as it expresses the real affection which exists between two people; otherwise it may leave them as lonely as ever. On the other hand, a letter can be a symbol of presence in absence, since it makes the other person, the beloved or friend, live on in one's memory, and speaks of the hope of a reunion. Absence can actually purify love of its alloys by erasing from memory various negative aspects. Remembrance can also deepen presence in such a way that a departed one seems closer than before. (16)
Divine Presence
For theologians -- as well as for all those who have faith -- all that we have said concerning the characteristics of human presence can point to the presence of God in the world and in our lives. Schoonenberg says that God's presence is all-pervasive, but when we speak about Him, we cannot speak of spatial presence in the same sense as when we speak of material bodies. Though He fills all space, it is not in a spatial way. He is present by giving Himself freely and willingly. "He is in human beings in order to make them live, in order to fulfill them, in order to give them to each other, in order to lead them finally to God." (17)
Man is free to accept or to refuse God's love. The only way he can limit God's presence in his life is by refusing to open up to Him. But the strange paradox this entails is that man cannot control the results of this refusal. According to the Christian point of view, if we refuse to open up to God, we refuse life, so that man, in order to be saved, must accept salvation from an Other, and since salvation comes through other human beings, vivified by the presence of Christ, man cannot cut himself off from others. (18)
(1)Cf. Gregory Baum, Man Becoming: God in Secular Experience, New York, Herder and Herder, 1970, p. 55-59.
(2)Cf. J. Ratzinger, Foi Chretienne Hier et Au-jourd ' hui, Paris, Mame, 1969, p. 57.
(3)Cf. Baum, Man Becoming, p. 55-59.
(4)Cf. Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving, New York, Harper & Row, p. 38-41.
(5)Cf. Hall & Lindzey, Theories of Personality, New York, Wiley, 1957, p. 51-55.
(6)Cf. Erik Erikson, Childhood and Society, New York, Norton, 1963, p. 82-86.
(7)Cf. Frank Goble, The Third Force, New York, Pocket Books, 1973, p. 23-36.
(8)Sidney Jourard, The Transparent Self, New York, Van Nostrand Reinhold, 1971, p. 97.
(9)Cf. Baum, Man Becoming, p. 55-59.
(10)Baum, Ibid., p. 44.
(11)Ibid., p. 43.
(12)Sidney Jourard, Disclosing Man to Himself, New York, Van Nostrand Reinhold, 1968, p. 153.
(13)Baum, Man Becoming, p. 137.
(14)Piet Schoonenberg, "Presence and the Eucharistic Presence," in Cross Currents, Winter 1967, p. 41.
(15)Ibid., p. 46.
(16)Cf. Ibid., p. 49-50.
(17)Ibid., p. 51.
(18)Cf. J. Ratzinger, Foi Chretienne Hier et Au-jourd ' hui, Paris, Mame, 1969, p. 185.